Some mornings I sit on my couch with a cup of coffee in hand and a candle burning on the end-table whilst wild forces course through my body: feeling them, honoring them, and allowing them their fearsome presence. Usually I open my bible, usually I say prayers, sometimes I journal. But sometimes there’s too much of a wild rumpus inside to do much else.
On one such morning a while back, I found myself climbing down the spines of these leviathans into certain memories. Important ones. Mostly painful. But there was one that stood out.
The early-’80s are quite vivid for me; though they were a rush a sorrow and bewilderment. I was born in 1975. In 1980 my parents were divorced. In 1982 my dad remarried and a complicated blended family was formed. In 1983 my mom moved across the country to take a job. It was a lot but it was all I knew. It was a childhood punctuated by disruptions.
In what I believe was the summer of 1983, I went to a church camp in the mountains west of Colorado Springs. A sweet little property called Camp Elim. I loved camp. It was a true escape for a hurting boy.
As I recall, each camper was assigned another camper to secretly encourage with little gifts and notes throughout the week. On the final night there was a gift exchange during which each benefactor would be revealed. I had gone to the general store and purchased candy and made a creative little note, tying them together with a piece of yarn. As we made our way into the dining hall (pictured above) we deposited our parcels into a box at the doorway. I was dropping my gift into the box when, to my horror, I saw the candy slip away from the card and the two become separated! I sought to reach out and fix the problem, but there was much commotion, and the gift-box attendee forbid me from doing so, telling me to go inside.
I could not go inside. I was crushed and distressed. Instead I walked to the steps outside the dining hall as the last few campers trickled in and began weeping alone. Looking back, I was weeping in a way that was a little about the tragedy at hand and a lot about cascading tragedies I had no way of comprehending. A barrage of losses that I’d endured in private pain.
I wept and wept. And I knew no one would meet me there. They never did. That was probably why I wept so hard. I knew for certain I would eventually need to walk back into the dining hall empty-handed, red-eyed, disgraced. So I sat on those steps and wept hot tears.
“Hey! Are you ok?” I heard a concerned voice inquire. Through blurred vision, I beheld a counselor standing before me; a young man, maybe 15, with a kind face and a shock of brown hair. His name was Chip. Chip MacEnulty. And he appeared as an angel in my sorrow.
Through a spasm of crying, I recounted what had happened and how I’d been prevented from remedying the catastrophe.
“Let’s take care of that!” he piped. “C’mon!”
He whisked me off to the counselor supply room and immediately found a stash of candy. He gave me construction paper and art supplies, so I could re-create my gift. We secured the candy to the card – using ample tape! I had a moment to wipe away my tears. The whole thing took only a couple minutes, but as I sat on my couch the other morning I was certain it had altered my life.
Chip had met me mercifully in my distress. Chip was a wonderful counselor!
Continue reading “Advent I | Wonderful Counselor”
Matthew Podszus 